Cuba -- Anticipation

As always, when travelling to a new place comes the fear: "How am I going to screw this up"? Unless I hide in an all-inclusive resort, the point of travelling to foreign lands is to, well, experience foreign lands. But things worry me (at my age everything worries me): How do I behave regarding dress, speaking to locals, tipping service staff, acquiring the local currency, etc.? More important: How do I avoid getting robbed or stabbed?

So, I did what any normal traveller would do these days -- consult TripAdvisor. Or, failing that, google search "the ten worst things you can do in such-and-such country". And the results are, quite frankly, terrifying. I offer you an example: the dangers of ordering fruit cocktails. I learned that the word "papaya" is a very bad word indeed. Yes, really. It apparently is a coarse reference to a woman's vagina, so when ordering a cocktail you should use the phrase "fruta bomba". Definitely don't want to "do a Romney". (seriously, check the link for a laugh). 

The more I search, the more I am told this a poor, poor country. It will be a challenge, I think, to depend on their technology. For instance ----- Internet: at best, will be slow, expensive and sporadic; at worst, non-existent (so much for this blog, then). Telecommunications: expensive -- Vodafone tell me calls are £2 a minute, texts are 50p + home rate and data is £6 per MB (I'm taking the bloody sim card out!). Credit/debit cards: nobody, but nobody (except maybe the more expensive hotels) uses them -- even the tour companies demand cash for day trips -- so it'll mean taking and carrying huge wads of cash to cover all the two-week bar bills. Oh dear, white tourists walking around with big fat wallets. What could possibly go wrong?

And Cuba is (gosh!) a purely socialist country, one of the few in the world to have lasted unchanged for over half a century in modern times. So, again, how do I behave in regards to my relative wealth and status as a tourist? TripAdvisor, as usual, are full of observations on the quality of service offered at state-run hotels and restaurants . Phrases like "it took 40 minutes to get served" are rationalised by the fact that staff "only get paid 10 cents an hour so why should they work any harder". So, do we treat this visit the same way we would a safari to the poorest African countries? Do we take gifts of pens and soap and biblical literature to the local schools? Do we seek out and generously tip the road sweepers? Do we visit the local prisons with Red Cross-approved care packages? My mind is starting to steam and boggle at the social injustice of it all.

But, apparently, I should not tear my head off just yet. I uncovered a very interesting article here on TripAdvisor called Cuba: Think Before You Gift. In it, the author points out that, unlike, say, Haiti, every citizen has access to the basics of housing, food, water and health care. So, he argues, by these standards Cuba is not the poorest country in the Caribbean region, nor the world. He goes on to suggest that irresponsible "good intentions [by tourists] are only creating a bigger gap between rich and poor in a society in which the system intends that all are equal". Memo To Self: "must curb my good intentions". My wife says I don't have any, so that's OK.

On a slightly connected note, much of the advice concerning tourist hassles in Cuba seem to revolve around the jineteros: the street hustlers and opportunists who target the dumbest tourist to provide all manner of services for a small fee or simply beg for the price of "milk for the baby". The more successful they are, the more of them will try their luck. See? Everyone wants to beat the system.

So, will I find feral armies of children turned into street beggars, doctors posing as bar tenders for tips, attractive teachers plying their charms on street corners? Hmm. We shall see. We fly out tomorrow. In the meantime, I just have to remember not to mention fruit in polite company.